mood:not very happy, lonely weather:Rainy

woke up at 3pm today, as its a very long night for me yesterday... felt very sad after hanging up the phone yesterday. as usual, never happy with it... very sad... sat in daze on my arm chair in the room after brushing teeth and my breakfast=lunch. lately the sky started to turn grey and soon rain started to pour down. feel as though god felt my sorrow and cry with me... haiz...

I decided to sing then, duan le de xian,Ge Qian and Feng by Jay Chou, Ni bu Zai, kiss goodbye by Wang Li Hong...don't know if the rain go bigger? hmm. no mood to joke here.... sing till 1630, time to go gym... met with Shi Yong, but he is late, only she is the earliest... but don't know why, i just don't want to see her eyes....train train train till 1900, then we decided to cool down... then went to eat sushi.. send her home >.< hurted but still so want to...

lately i still found out tonnes of stuff happening in my past relationship...all coming down like eyeless swords and blades, peircing through my already there wound... So i am just a toy, for her to forget each lover she had.... an "I love you" to drive me towards her, a "sorry, you're a nice guy, I think you can find a better one" to ditch me away... haiz... I feel, what i am actually and also had doubt my chance to have a very sweet, perfect relationship.. trust my love for her, but it is all so wasted :(

guess now, its like a broken string now.. i have to forget to go on... first love, so difficult to put down.. guess thats why its love..but endless waiting won't lead to anything...she will never be back here, even if she is, i doubt she is real... haiz... the song 'duan le de xian' might be the song i wish to sing to her ba....

I’m silent, you don’t have much to say either

Between us, what are we missing? Let’s not say

Aiyo…After smiling, my expression finally has a bit of sadness

Holding your hand Asked you for your final decision before I left

I suddenly laughed with a relieved heart

The laughter circled around the middle of a mountain

Floated with the wind, swaying

Arrived before you, pacing back and forth

Your tears streamed down

Saying that you will remember my goodness

I also curled up the corners of my mouth, smiling

Your beauty has already been given to whom?

Chasing and chasing again, I can’t get it back

I understand that the leaves that have left the trees

Belong to the world of the ground, withering

adapted from

*duan le de xian*, by Jay Chou..

<.translated.>

school starting tomorrow, just like my shi mu yi qi says, should look forward my future, new will never replace the old if i cling to the old.... btwn me and her, had reach a stage where its like a broken string on a string musical instrument, even if it is restringed, the melody won't be the same anymore... she have given her sweetness and beauty to him... i'm out...fallen, beaten...

thoughts: whose hurt?? I am....guide me to trust love again...