June 21st, 2008 entry; but its about June 20th, 2008. It had been a really lethargic week, FYP and studies... Republican's Year 3 isn't easy as what others thought it is. Yet something came which almost demoralized me today...

FYP... Raining days are over and things are back on track looking pink and in shape. It's really good plan + good execution and control. Right now we are at testing phrase where some other teams are still at their development. The power of design, it really speeds up our pace. In anyway, I'll not celebrate too fast until I left the evalulation room.

I guess I had become more and more unpopular among my circle lately and wonder if its because my mouth had become more lethal and consider no feelings or isit because I am already being given up by this world? I notice I've been really harsh in my words and jokes nowadays and GOSH, I'm really trying hard to curb these. But I guess I just found the source of such evil progress in me. Being slammed because where I'm from.

Just got slammed AGAIN today. "Why you in RP, SO LAN(lousy in chinese)", "Learning to be a difference to have difficulty finding job in the future?" Thanks for the comment and I shall assume you are abit too quick in your words that you didn't know you stepped on my tail. I'm really sorry that I'm so anal about being commented that way and taking it so seriously but it meant a poke to you but a piercing to me. I was so glad that I hold the trigger and prevented myself from firing the 50 calibre sniper rifle from my mouth when that "poke"came to me. Just not right to do so, killing one will anger the rest; the spartans only hold off the persians but was defeated after all. And I can't be defeated now.

I might be really lousy and useless in the past considering my academical results. But I've really really regretted to flunk my O'lvls due to my wasted time on "RELATIONSHIP", CRAP CYCLING, CRAP GAMES and so on instead of time on books. But here I am finally getting something and there you are, trying to convinced me that I'm DONE with my life because I am from RP.

Though its the school they slam but its as much as slamming me because I'm from there. Why is it exactly so piercing to me? Perhaps no one I've known had really pull,cut, stretch and push themselves for an EXCELLENT result but has no one close enough to share the happiness with? But that's ok, but how about being slammed that "But you from RP lea" after sharing the happiness. Something even more sad to hear about, once I introduced myself as a RP student to someone out of RP, the very next few scenes you would see is that person stopped talking to me there after but before everything he was joking and crapping with me.

What's so bad about RP? SERIOUSLY? Have anyone who slammed me asked themselves SERIOUSLY that. Let me tell you what are the common replies which you guys refuse to tell me or never phrase it properly because you saw the change on my face.
1. Because its new ar, not prestige enough ar..
(CRAP~ Temasek was once like this also)
2. Because its different in learning ar, no teacher really teaching so not good not good.
(Ya, have you been really there to study to comment whether its good not? Somemore, ask them why aren't they learning? ITS BECAUSE THEY CHOOSE NOT TO LEARN! )
3. I don't know lea, I heard one.
(Good, the person you heard from, is he/she from RP? if he/she what is his reasons? it got to be one of the 2 reasons above RIGHT!?)
4. Statistics shows that RP has very low employment rate for its graduates
(Tell me where you get that statistics from? www.you.com? If it's really so, you know why? Because the whole society CONVINCED that the difference is stupid. LABELLED RP as inefficient and a land for failers. SO WHO DESTROYED OUR FUTURE?)
5. No university recognize RP as a Polytechnic
(Tell me who you heard it from? someone non-republican who is convinced by the slamming? OR just some oldies who see differences as something bad?)


So is prestige really really so important to you? Because you can show off fame and achievements that are not yours to make you sound nicer? Then tell me what is considered a good school? Because you can get in that school with a paper with some 5 'A's on it?

I was once very redudant to come to RP, but I was convinced by someone not from RP to come. Mrs Quek from BB; she asked me when I complained... " why do you think RP is bad? just because its new?". At that moment I really had no idea why I thought it was bad and I felt it was unfair to judge something this way just because its new and not prestigous. Thus somehow, I gave up about appealing for TP and joined RP. And I am thankful that I made that decision.

But I wonder why god gave me this path to walk on? Couldn't I get to just walk a smoother and direct life.Perhaps he wants me to understand what is rise and fall. And how to understand that what you think is good might not be necessary to others. And how to cherish your own sucesses because not all will share that happiness with you. And lastly have a choice of my own destiny. 3 years in a school which is commonly a target board for craps, unfactual statistics and comments had really changed me alot. If god want to train my tolerance, had he had enough? I believed I had reach the maximum level of tolerance, so max that I wonder~ How much longer can I stay calm and friendly to those who came to destroy me or what I've came to love?

Guess, I'll just stay firm on what I think is right for me. FORGET WHATEVER those from pretigous schools had said....

June 13th, 2008. It's a bad friday! There is a chinese saying which says that the unawared are not affected. Pretty true, I had not even thought that its a bad friday today and fortunately and glad enough that nothing bad really happen.(Except some discomfort when i wake up, engine starting problem.)

Haaz, guess I had really been down and wondering alot for the past 2 weeks in my holidays. See, I'm just never contented with myself, always finding fault in me to change. And I wonder if I can take that as a self awareness test or what they call, NO LIFE BASTARD...

FYP and we are practically left with 15 man-days to complete(assuming Sat and SUn we slack); the most recent and devestating delay just took place which makes this a unfortunate chance to crash the timeline again. Suppose to finish cart module and make loan module by wednesday but.... Now we must start our testing this monday, prepare the test cases by wednesday and finish Unit Testing and debugging by the following Tuesday(latest) Then we'll proceed on to system integration testing and finish every thing by the following Monday. After which is a marathon to complete user guide, presentation materials and our final report( its quite an ambitious thingy to do now) The final report is not really easy, guess I'll have my teammates to start writing their final report to save time.

Just came back from N~Zire meeting and some of us shared with us their MP(major project) experiences which is also the same concept as our FYP. I heard them playing games during lab moments and so on, and their MP seems to be timeless and easily done. Whereas in RP, I see everyone so serious and racing against time to get their project done. Those who are more up to hands will be enjoying completing things as they plan while those who are stucked will show some signs of stress and begin searching high and low everyday for help. Guess RP had reached its mission to implement PBL, it had really trained all of us to be independent and professional in the things we are entitled to do. (OR isit because this is the big thing which determine your graduation?)

As for me, my FYP teammates might had started find me demanding and expecting too much from them in this project. Haaz, thats my bad I always have high expectations for myself and those around me; perhaps thats why I'm not as popular. But after so many failures, I really hate it and want to do the best in things that matters me. Since year 1, I am really determined to make my transcript the most beautiful thing.


Now I understand the concept of "selling yourself". The diploma cert is like a product you offer and your achievements and undertakings in school are like promotions . Bosses looking for the best to take the job are like consumers looking for the best promotion. Am I right?

Haaz, all these are easiler said than done but I believe I'm doing well. Nevertheless there are more about myself for me to explore and improve on.

June 6th, 2008... Somehow I am very restless today. Holiday just started and I wake up everyday with prayers that everything is going to be fine.

FYP, we just entered and almost finished the second phrase of developing. Mainly the administrator and user functions. Pretty much to do within 2 weeks. I am done with all the module except one, which is to edit and update loan details. It went on pretty smoothly for me but it had been hell to my teammates somehow. Now everyday I'll be so shocked by my teammates MSN nick which goes like "DAMN FYP" or "FUCK FYP" which makes me wonder why am I so relaxing when doing codes. Is it because I am doing something simple? Or am I just being good at it? During the whole phrase of developing my own modules, I had found alot of interesting facts and performed stunts on codes which I had obviously not tried during any of the WAD lessons. I know, my teammates are all trying hard to finish their modules and find new ways to complete it. And lets hope they continue doing so because, "GUYS, its worthwhile... "

MELT camp, something which I am seriously brainstorming for ideas to revive it. Just recently a school started to respone to our proposal, NEGATIVELY. Just as I expected, price is not right for them(AND YET I KEPT QUIET DURING THE MEETING, HOW DICK CAN YOU BE MARK!?). Now I had been asked to do a cost evaluation again, AND YES I will do it.Somehow I feel that I had lost the confidence and trust from my teammates and I am also aware of the other negative things that is happening which cause all these screw ups. I had ideas to overcome this, but it means doing the extreme which the return is a variable and BUT it might steer the fate of this project. So should I or should I not?

Haaz, Shawn just called me a workaholic.Its' a negative notation according to wikipedia but I am not denying this fact. Yes I am a workaholic at times. It's fear and the set backs I had which lead and make me this way. Alot of people feels that fears are for cowards, but Scott Burken in his book the art of project management mentioned that "The braves are the ones who feel fear but took action to it" which I personally buy his thoughts(yes, I think I'm brave enough after all the shits i've been through). Maybe because of all the brush through I had, it makes me no longer forget in arrogance that the things around me are not as what I perceive. And you know, things had changed; no longer as easy as it used to be.

Thought of the day:I have not and never will give up on people along the side of me, and lets hope they will not give up on me and things we are fighting for.