29th september 2006, friday; at Honsonn house.. chatting and singing... hmmm.. what is the topic?? as usual, relating the past, present and future...

hmm, my brothers, their childhood were so interesting... haah, just mine not that interesting at all.. my childhood is only being filled with, expectations... At the age of 1 and a half I am already starting to learn ABC , drawing and abacus.. haiz.. all the skills are just mild right now.. age of 3, I started to play soccer.... my father and mother wants me to be a lawyer, being stress on that for 5-7 years till I reach primary 6 when I decided my own career path... hmmm... sometimes I wonder what is happening man, whenever it speaks of the past and the future, I am always been shoot down.. haah, not interesting ba....

hmm, got a shock.. HEY HOW COME.. how did I still got into Student Ambassador?? hmmm.. nah, I don't know what to do now........

haiz..sianz.... Why I am always being shoot down in terms of ideas and stuff like that, am I that lousy??? why am I that i share my experience, everyone changes topic, am I that boring???????

thoughts: What is my life.. what is all this???? What is happening...............

September 28, 2006. Second blog of the day. hmm.. my life is getting back on his track?? I hope so. I don't think I perform well today for the problem again. Overloaded with events.. hmmm..

First would be Student Ambassador Fundraising, my very last event in Student Ambassador. suppose the sales is very good today.. hmm That's great I feel. .. Tomorrow the result will be out..

Business Climate.. yeappie, I heard that my proposal is on high demand. alright man, high percentage of getting through a deal. bad news is that SMU is fighting us, with the same idea; wonder if copy right applies here, as I don't know whether is it they are first or we all. Furthermore, their course are free, they got lots of sponsors..hmm lets pray for the workshop... Lastly, I got another project up my sleeve.. working alone, with the whole BC members aiding me on the actual day. Its open house, so I am suppose to come out ideas for the open house.. hmm gonna work hard with it...

Its still a long way to go.. yet i am so tired to it.... making my life more than interesting, thats my vision..

September 28 , 2006. Currently in Republic Poly W15L, my class; hmm have not blog yesterday as I am seriously tired. hmmm...

September 27, 2006... SA fundraising stars here, hmm I guess sales are making profit which is good isn't it. But the sales were not very good during my shift, guess it is due that the agora is not packed by then. I was like very busy yesterday, for a moment I am in Student Ambassador event, the next moment I need to run to the printing library service to print proposal for the "mind your own business" workshop as my seniors are going to present it to the client in the behalf of me. I guess my daily result yesterday is going to be very sucks as I don't seem to have contribute alot.Just afraid that the coming 3 days will be the same.. haiz...

For today, I going to be at the fundraising booth at around 12 to 1. WHEN I AM ALSO GOING TO HAVE A BRIEFING ABOUT TOMORROW TALK at 1230. So i emailed dun fu to request that i will be at the first shift which is from 11 30 to 1215.. after school, will be Business Climate general meeting, which I must go if not I will be eliminated from the list. hmmm Tomorrow is another very long day, wah.. must persevere through man....

26th september 2006, a pretty EMO day.... why? two things in mind, Student Ambassadors and some personal problems again.

Student ambassador, its the event tomorrow... What am i gonna do?? I can't fake myself through that, I just don't know what to do. I really really felt useless over here. But nevermind this, because this friday the results are gonna be out and I don't think I am in...

Personal Problems. BROTHERS!!!... just got a call from one of my brother, pertaining to the lyrics that honsonn and ferlyn set for the singing. He was not happy with the allocation of lyrics as he sings only mile mile part of the song. Actually I also sing the mile mile part. As he speaks, he became more and more replusive, he started to raise his voice through the phone. I gave him quite a few solution like, " hey lets see how things go first , maybe the later songs you might get more involvement?", " hey what about sitting down and talk to honsonn nicely?" then he started to reject this solution and of course I explained to him why i felt thats the way, but he just don't listen. So then I ask him, so what you intend to do? he said of his solution, he said he want to talk to honsonn about this, then I was like, ok, no problems. But i saw things happen before, he will show faces and so on when people finish him off, so i gave him an advice, "hey, ... look here, i got to be frank, everytime when you negotiatate, you are replusive, that wun solve the problems" then here he go even more replusive, he reputed me in the end" I don't think I want to talk to you anymore, you make me even more angry about this thing." So I said, "huh whats wrong??"he replied" I called you is just hope that you can give me a solution to this, but you make me even angry only" come on, i said so many solution but none seems to work for him, what can i comment now?? furthermore, I am that straight forward, I say what i feel is going on, because I also grow in a world where pple are straight forward to me. haiz, in the end, i sent a message to him to say sorry...So what's gonna happen now? I don't know, I just hope that it won't be another bloody friday..... man looks like I am the one that is always giving in, not you brother...

25th September 2006, finally said out what I actually wanted. I told Hadi that I will be leaving Student Ambassadors after the fund raising event. Considered for a very very long time, I suppose about 2 months already after the camp. Found myself not suitable to the surroundings in Student Ambassadors, and I am always so reluctants to go for SA meetings due to my uneasiness in the IG. Decided to end my misery of this, so I told hadi that, since it is the best time to tell as he was speaking of commitment. Anyway the probation result is coming out soon, I don't clinch much hope either since after the camp, I am sort of not so committed to SA. Its quite a pity, since I worked pretty hard from the interview to the selection camp, have I made a right choice? An arrow can never be retrive once it is out of its bow. I'll stay to my decision because I feel I have more to concentrate on. Right now, I have to tell my mentor, but how can I ever tell that to him???

Out of Student Ambassadors, I had coming up plans for myself. Beside that I am going to concentrate on my studies, I was considering to stay back in the library to read up on management books every friday or monday. Tuesday and Thursday will be the time for me to train my judo. Will be also putting my heart into business climate, hope that my priority is right and this IG will one day regain its glory. Will be practisiing my singing. I just want to make my life a pretty much enjoyable one before the real hell come which is unavoidable. Wanna be an abled student, abled leader, abled manager, abled singer , abled judo ka and an abled sportsman. That's all I wanna concentrate for now.

Life is so full of decision, sometimes bad sometimes good. No doubt my life is so much like it too...

24th september 2006, Sunday, sunny mood!! Since I got to sleep and also have a chance to play my games.. haha..

I was back from shawn house that satyrdayday, the previous night was a whole night of singing and also chatting plus gaming. hmmm, sang a very nice song with honsonn, Gan qing xian( affection line) by 183 club. hmm..Currently so crazy with this song, ting ma ma de hua( listen to your mother)....

So pple say we must be driven by ambitions and dreams.. but sometimes are we over driven by our dreams and ambitions that we become over confident and ignorant to advices?? hmmm that just came to my mind.... I then ask myself, is my dreams driving me? haah, they are...... but i will stay humble for whatever achievement i ever achieve, not going to boast it around....

22 september 2006, right here in my school; together with a very wonderful class I suppose. hmmm. Having G102 today, boring facilitator I had here, super systematic. Got time table for class.. duh.. how to work???

Met up with SA people. Seriously I don't understand what are they discussing. Maybe is due to my long term absence. cannot blame either, I had too many stuff to focus. Right now, I just want to focus on my academics, my external projects, and my daily life. Tight schedule..

Gonna torn at shawn house later. Suppose we are going to practise the songs again. hmmm.. A group of buddies staying at one house , acceptable..HAHA...

Alright, gonna start presentation soon.. Signing out..

thoughts: Business = black and white only?? nope, its more into personalities, the arts of business, how much u understand.

20th September 2006, suppose to be 19 but was once again late for the the blog. Share the reason later.

I was suppose to be over at Republic Poly to training my judo.. but I skipped it today, guess I just don't have the mood to go either. Just felt like swimming and singing my day. "emo" again. Nevermind, I was not in the right status either, my right hand was pulled the last time I went swimming. I did went swimming today, its has been my favourite sports since I get to touch the water some sort of 10 years ago? haah.. history... Swim alittle today since my hand couldn't get me long, so went to sun tent with Honsonn my buddy. Chat big time again. Its fate that this team came together, people who have endless topics to speak of. After swimming, we went to look for job at sushi bar but seems like they don't need any employees. So went to Honsonn house. We are suppose to eat out, but his mum cook le, so we stay over. HaHa, our parents very know every single member of this group, so it is like when we go to eachother house, " SELF SERVICE PLEASE" practice our songs( tell you about more about this) hmmm. I am suppose to sing the Wang Shao Wei part in 183 Club 's Magical smile...

My class for the next semester is W15L... hmmm saw the name list of my class, got 2 of my classmates are from the academic rolls de worx.. guess they must be those kind of good good students, haah.. I didn't make it to the academic rolls, my UT killed me.. suppose to have score 3.7-3.8 if my UT is still ok, but right now i am at 3.6.. haiz.. hmmm. got to chiong for the next semester. hmm.. I look forward the new class, hope it will be a fun fun fun and also nice nice nice class...

oh, we are practising our ssinging and we are going out as a BOYBAND... alright man.. thats the reason. We can sing, but we are still not very good at it. haah. Music is another thing I love, remember how it cure my "emo-ness" everytime.. haah.. we are going to be a bunch of man man man boyband. Its a real dream to come true one day.

hmm.. my friend audrey speaks to me about her problems today..its about love..hmm, what's love? why is it that some can have a lovely relationship while others can't?? But nevertheless I still trust that love is a wonderful thing.. I can be driven by love, I know that. but right now, I AM OUT OF LOVE!!! so what? loving myself is enough for me now, i know i am not suitable for a relationship right now. Till time is ripe, lets wait..

So, school is reopening but all my friends is still in their holidays.. that's sad... there is time, I am really in deep thoughts why am I in Republic.. Is it a wise choice? I am doing well in Republic, but I feel this way? whenever i go to RP, I feel home sick.. haah.. But its nevertheless a path I choose, what else can I do?? I can't give up, because future is in my hands.....

19th september 2006, my 10oth post in neverending89.blogspot.com. Haah, after nearing one year of blogging. hmm, that's slow... its about 18th september on this blog, since I am late to blog before 12 a.m.

Woke up at 12p.m. love sleeping, keep sleeping, guess is better to sleep now then to doze off when semester starts. hmmm. Cutting that habit of sleeping nowadays actually, despite my dear to sleeping. Called Acer mulitple time today, kept getting this respone " our agents are currently busy, please hold while we attend to you shortly, alternatively".... Finally the call went through at 1720 hours when I called the 5th time since noon. Told the agent my problem with the labtop and she is sheduling an appointment this coming wednesday, meanwhile I will stay at home for the next 2 days to rest and also troubleshooting my laptop. Will be doing my rush revision tomorrow, was busy with proposal and socializing and stuffs like these, not even had a chance to really read up my past semester works.

Yuppie!! Finally I finished the "mind your own business" workshop proposal. I am proud of my ideas then, after brainstorming for almost one whole month!! That boost my confidence alot, right now my only hope is that Xue Ning , Zann , NurLiyana and me can clinch the deal with East Spring Secondary School. Lets make a big HU HA for business climate in Republic Poly then. muhaha... But you know what's sad too, I am not able to present my proposal, the client is meeting us at wednesday which is a school day for me and Zann had put my slides under Xue Ning. Haiz... hmmmm... nevermind we are one committee after all.

While my laptop is still at a half-dead situtation, I can't play any games, but I took some pictures of my cars from Need For Speed. I shall upload some of my favourite Rides... But not now, the connection currently sucks...

Right now, I thought of creating a website for my clan.. the 56 dui. But still needs to learn how to publish websites from microsoft frontpage... Anyone mind to teach me??? Awaiting your call...

2 days before semester starts, what is it going to be like? the next 16 weeks of schools. How will my classmates be?? good or bad? I don't know, and don't really want to know, for whatever it is I am there to learn. Republic Polytechnic, can it mould my future into a great shape? is not RP's responsiblity i feel, its mine... I have to learn to be independant in Republic Poly, unlike other poly, where they got their resources right in their hands, I have to go about in search of my own resources.. hmm.. that's my fate....

thoughts: How long how long wil it ever last???

16th september 2006, suppose to be 17, but I was 20 mins late. It was a real fun for yesterday and today. Out with my brothers.

Yesterday, a trip to jurong. We are suppose to be at the Swimming complex but the weather was not on our side. So its a walk around jurong. Jurong is kind of boring man, we were like, haiz sianx ar.. But lucky for us, we are a bunch of real fun people, we crack jokes and did alot of stuffs in jurong. Just something that we found out yesterday thanks to an unknown Auntie, whenever when the group is together, a massive road block will be created.She said in chinese " I just hate to walk infront of this kind of people man, block way"..... HA-HA... We did went to the swimming complex, after walking in the rain due to some direction errors. It was really fun, we played the slides and also the lazy river. Shawn made the day but slipping off the float alot of times.

Today, cycling day. Went to Shawn house early to get a bike, since I don't have one. its fun as in we cycled all the way to East Coast and we sat down and had a real chat. It something magical I suppose, this team of buddies just never fails to run out of topics to chat; it ranges from craps to serious. It is just a nice team i feel. Yup and its really a chat. From then we cycled and cycled till we reach bedok camp hawker centre and had our dinner. Its another long chat then beside that, we also look at girls. HAHA.. ahem.. Cycled back to shawn house, after returning the bikes, we all sat down and chat. HAHA.. honsonn likes shawn's cousin ,wei en.. haha.. nah just kidding, he is right ;i agree to full extent that wei en is pretty. Yup, from there we kept on chatting till 11 plus then we all head home.

Haiz.. my laptop is still the same. WHAT IS HAPPENING????

September 12, 2006.. mood is still very shacked by the condition of my laptop. Don't understand what has happen, it just been very laggy suddenly nowadays. haiz..

12th september 2006, suppose to be training in judo, but a bad stomachache deny my presence for judo. So i didn't went to judo, fell asleep in the end in my room. All the way till 3 pm. Played game to relax, away from serious work. Got a good piece of news, I SCORE GPA 3.6 for my first semester.. that really is a drive for me. But what lies ahead is still a myth.. got to stop here. Tomorrow will be meeting up my collegue to do up the workshop planning.

11 September 2006, night time. suppose to sleep but the mood for it isn't right.. After the afternoon blog, I was stucked by the planning of the workshop. Till now, I am still having Messenger problem, just can't sign myself in. Got to wait for tomorrow. Ya tomorrow, back to judo..

11 September 2006, Afternoon decided uploaded some photos from the Air Force Open House. SOmething I promised to do..

here it goes....
2 super duper F-16s that guards our air space

Alright man, thats the plane that guards our air space
We are forever Operational Ready!! haha
After lunch at the grandstand
F-16C , our photo with it.
It is suppose to be a shuai photo ..haha

ok, back to my serious work now; Business Climate workshop planning and also my revision for the last semester work. Coming back to blog again in the night =D

10th Septemeber 2006, its a reflection day for me.Flipped through all the archives files in my blog, hah, it has been a long way to here...

I saw changes in me from November 2005 till now, felt it is from good to bad. haah, a man with life in the past to a man with no life now. It all the same questions that I asked once, isit love that had make me a very fantastic person and had love just made me worse than what I will become?? Came across some of the posts entered when I was a Pan Pacific employee. Work life? its fun indeed, the money that comes in, miss those days when my pocket is forever full. Those were the times, where there is no more worries, life is just working and having fun. haah.. Some fun moments of the brother and sister family was entered too, those are the days I really missed. The lively days, the ambient of those days seems to have come to me for that short moment when I was reading the post. haah, its kind of different today, thats the cause of my miss; the only similarity is that this family is still there for me and we are still having fun, the difference is... everyone is leading their path to their future. Seriously hope that this happiness of mine will forever be there beside me because " In life, friends come and go thats becos we din cherish them.... In my life, there is this group of people who is more than just my friends.. thats why they come..... and stay.." . Saw the entry when I was posted to Republic Poly, haah, I was reluctant then, ya its true its a good school to mould the future but why am I feeling so lonely and lousy in RP?? Whenever I go to school, it feels like I had break away from what I am, I missed textbooks I missed pens, if I ever get a chance to go back in time, will I choose a lap top life again?Back to relationship, haah, how it feels like to be love again? question marks, I felt so numb to it now, once I love someone alot but she left me, haah... Love? its just too early for me..

I was once a person who enjoys successes in almost everything I done, that joy I once jolt down in this blog had never become a sight now. Suffering failures after failures nowadays, my shoulders are crying out of pain. Life is full of obstacles, never had been 7 sundays in a week, it all prove hashly true to me. Got to get over my failure derpression.........

I never know, what lies ahead of me........

9th September 2006, long time since I last blog.. hmmm... nothing much either, just a day after day. I am into recovery, from my failure. ....

5th september 2006, it has been a long time since I last put in my last entry. Life is yet so beautiful for me, and I wonder why. It's just one day after another. Lucky for my pass 2 days, pretty well over.

Last Saturday, 2nd September 2006, I visited the Republic of Singapore Air Force( RSAF ). They are suppose to exhibite about the changes in our Air Force to the 3 G air force. It is really a good sight, the F-16Ds, the Apaches, the chinooks and the F5s, all being modified to suit the modern world, because in this new kind of world, needs a new kind of force, a force that can act like nothing on earth. Saw how the RSAF is going to support our army in combat and how capable they are in defending our air space, only one sentence will desribe how i feel," I feel safe in Singapore now." The RSAF planes are all highly modified into a incredible version of fighters and combat aircrafts. Took quite alot of pictures during that day, it is still out of my reach, will upload some here when I got it.

Sunday, bought a new camera, kind of late but it was into good use today for the outing, but sadly there is some technical problems that all the pictures taken are gone.. haiz... sometimes I just don't know how to explain the unfortunate reason for me.

Today, was my project day the outing. its a failure to me, long expected? I don't know but it just don't feel right today. Not in the mood, not enough power, not enough ambient is what I see today. I am not someone who can really bring up the atmosphere anymore... Searching that ablity back.

Sometimes, I just have to believe in things like destiny and fate. Some people just don't have to work so hard to get the things they want, they are blessed that everything just fall into their places nicely. But things just don't fall nicely for me, whenever things that I do, it will be accompanied with human errors, if not low popularity. I feel very tired to work so hard, think so hard for things that I want and I like, but it feels as if I am going against my fate and destiny. I read one of my Student Ambassador's nick, " There is always obstacles in life, we have to climb over it." sound so moltivating and enlightening, what if right in from of you are just obstacles after obstacles?? Obstacles will come to an end one day, but will I have that stamina, that strength reach it? haa, quit asking, sentence that ends with question marks will never be completed. All that can be done is to bit my lips and find my way out that obstacles, till then lets hope for a smoother journey. NO!! life is never smooth, just accept it.

There is always a time when human will lose his faith in himself. Who will search that faith back for him, who will bring him back on track, who will guide him along? who will moltivate him? HE the owner of the faith got to find it back himself, because in this world there is no one that can really moltivates him anymore, he had just lose his soul and direction...But lucky him, he had just left with that sufficient amount of determination, lets hope it last him through. Thats me...

Septemeber 1st 2006, at the silence of the night I decided to put this entry up. nothing much. Just living day by day. Tomorrow going to "K" with my buddies, going to be happening.. thats all.. mmm