March 28th, 2008 the sun is barely up and I'm already "up-ed". Awaken from a dream which I personally had trouble classifying, a nightmare or a comedy? Ordered 4 "roti prata", 2 eggs and 2 plain; but got roti john instead. Haaz, I woke up because of this and started to wonder what time was it. holyshit, its only 5 plus!!

The first song that rings in my ear when I woke up was this song, "Gui Ji" so thought I will search for this song in my classic song store. Found it and is happily listen to it now.

Anyway, the 3 "big" bros in N~Zire had a chatting come beer session yesterday night. It used to be 4 though, haiz... To sum up everyting, yesterday chatting session was something really remarkable; never expected everyone had so much to chat about =D We have times that we really need to cherish and remember, if not there will be nothing worth to keep the friendship.

MELT camp, for the first in my lifetime I led with agony. I can't really portray my feelings here in words. Nothing seems to be smooth. My weaknesses seems to be pouring everywhere on everyone in BC due to this camp. Its somewhere I can't really act, can't really say, can't really convince and I just wonder if its about a deteriorating me or just some problems and facts that I cowardly dare not face.

Michael shared with me what really was in his mind, I really hope thats what's he fired from his heart than his extra rounds. Its pretty true, I am not strong enough; his version was that I have no power to control my teammates in the team and they are all on my head. The downsides of being democractic was my version of why I am weak. Maybe I really care too much on how others feel when their ideas are rejected in this camp; I should had stayed firm on what I thought was right. Melt, something that had turned into nothing of my ideals and its really my fault to miss the importance of team development. Haaz, I was really fierce back then in SJAB; perhaps I should be so in BC?

"Reminising about the past", something that grown stronger in me ever since the start of this year. Looks like I am really stopping down to look around myself, haaz its seems to be an annual routine anyway. Had I really lived better in the past? With status, respect and just little bit of fame. There are really some stuffs I wished I could be more matured back then to deal with the issue,and those are people and places in my life I once valued but losed today.Haaz, I always thought that I had forgotten my past for a new life; but I'm wrong, I haven't forgot those stuffs; I had just simply put them aside. Reconstructing the "used to be seems" rather impossible now, all are beyond my reach and of course some requires serious consideration. Those high peaks in my life, really worth my time to reminising and take a good look at what I am today. Comparing myself today with what I used to be is really a "sour" thing to do.

Love, something which I had left for quite a time but yet have not much urge to pick it up again.
There is something I really hid in me and something which I am very surprised I have the hearts to put it aside. Who's the real one, had I just found and lose one? Someone who just never walk out of my mind, god damn it=/ Love is about doing some stupid and irrational things, do I really want to do those stuffs again??? I am nothing good enough for these things though thusMy conscience is clear, achievements and career before anything.

Haaz, feeling really "shiok" now as I poured out those that clot in my mind for this moment. Guess its back to sleep and get ready for the swimming later.

Thought of the day: Remember the good times.