hmm.. am I very far away from the last blog? maybe acceptable, four days only. What I should say about these few days? serious work, serious mood? ya thats the words.

First I shall share what happen today. I retake my O'level english again, guess its badly done. I don't know how to explain is just that my mind today is not in the right state!! haiz make it everyday. Nowadays I starting to fall asleep more easily. Laziness is really ruling over me. haiz. WHAT TO DO?? but luckily I am still what i am when I am suppose to work, just lazy to travel, lazy to read, lazy to play also.

Watch THE LAST SUMARAI again today, my second time. Well, I like this movie very much, i find it very heart warming. Its not a love story between 2 people, but the loyalty and the disipline of a Samurai that makes up Japan. It sets of during the industrial age of Japan when the emperor is desperate to make Japan modern and invited lots of foreign developed countrymen to advise the Japanese. Of course, the Japanese are also desparate to overdo the western countries. But however this small group of imperial troop, the samurai feel that Japan is moving too fast and the foreign countries are slowly invading Japan. They rise against the industrial path. I shall not bore you guys with the content of the movie. But this part where I am really touch of is where the samurai push themselves forward the imperial heavy firing of machine guns. They fall apart which marks the end of the samurai, the imperial corps eventually cease the fire and pay their last respect to the trademark of the ancient Japan, the Samurai. The movie ended with the emperor rejecting the offer of arms offer and American Ambassadors direct help in the government of Japan, he quoted holding the imperial Samurai sword: " Its important for us to modernise ourselves, but we should not forget who we are"


haiz.. Mood is getting somehow bad nowadays. I scolded my brother today as he gave me some attitude face when I wanted to take over the computer, and this is not the first time he use violence to show his unhappiness. He push me and stare at me.. out of anger, I slapped him tight. But no elder is happy to beat up their own siblings, so do I shed the tears of pain when I see my own brother getting from bad to worse. I know I had pretty much failed to be a elder brother. maybe its just that they thought that I am those kind of carefree person, to be honest, I am not, there are lots of things I just choose to shut my mouth away from it. Just like my brother case, he is getting more and more rebellious and more and more rotten. he shouted at me and push me around.. I was so fed up that I almost use the judo osoto gari to pin him down, but i didn't, I know of his asthma. I shed only a few drop of tears the rest of the time I was shouting very loud at him, guess those who know me in SJAB will know how loud that is.
he cried and shouted at my parents who came out and stop us from the quarrel and also wanted to scold my brother. He told my parents that he wanted freedom he blamed my parents for his lousy self now. of course I am not happy with it, but somehow I managed to cool myself down alittle, I talk to him and he continued crying. I am still firm on one thing that I tell my brother much less also tell the SJAB when I was in power, "violence don't solve anything". I know these because I was once in deep trouble before. I slap my brother, but out there with his attitude he is bound to be killed. I reason with him alot, just hope he put those words into his mind. My family..... is a complete one but with cracks around and I want to mend it.

What i see today only makes me think back of the past. Once a carefree ignorant me have changed to what I am today. I worked so hard to have prove others wrong of what they think of me, I think i had pretty done it. But I know there is still lots of people out there who is sterotyping me, i changed my strategies, I just do what I think is right for me. I also guess my new friends in poly had just getting to know the other side of me, the serious and straight forward of me. I have spilt personalities, I know it myself. One side, the crappy, ignorant and carefree side of me is just a mask of the serious, straight forward strict side of me.

I am done for today, and just hope a better tomorrow. I shall put up the samurai spirit on me, persevere on what is right.

thoughts: the samurai is the most disciplined group of warriors I ever known, thats the reason why I am interested in japanese martial arts and the samurai so much.