27 August 2006, I was put into a state of low morale and high guilt. Just wondering what is going around with me, my actions are going agains my integrity and not having any confidence in anything I am doing. I used to be able to locate the source of my demoralisation and act to it, thats why it appear that I am confident, but now I can't locate it, I don't know why is it that I am so demoralised out of a sudden.

Nowadays, when I am free it will be really free but when things starts to come such as meeting and duties it totally come together. I just rejected 2 appointments, SA meeting and class chalet. It is because I had piorities BC project and judo this time. Judo, because that I have to go for my grading soon and Judo has become one of my interest martial arts and I really want to excel in it. This wednesday is the due date for my proposal for BC, got to rush for it, I know if I were to go for SA meeting, I am so not going to complete this task, so I decided to push away SA fundraising meeting. Though its seems that I had piorities, but I am seriously very guilty of what I had done, its just that all this appointments are draining my energy that sometimes I also cancelled appointment because I overslept and stuff like these. haiz.. Should I drop one of the IGs?? I should but what should I drop?? It all dates back where I am over ambitious in the past...

thoughts: if only that the world is not so competitive..