13 August 2007, just 3 minutes into the day and here I am blogging. Just finished doing some parts for the M.E.L.T camp and decided to tell you guys about my dull and irritated life.

Is it my personality?? Why do I feel like everyone is keeping a distance from me? WHAT HAVE I DONE WRONG??? Sometimes I wonder, but it will just be great for a person to actually tell me, am I so unaccessible?

Maybe I am not trusting enough, kind of hard for someone to convince me and receive my trust. I have to say sorry for those whom I had spoke to with suspicious and serious words, its my history that contributes to this. I believe I am a total perfectionist who have high expectations for myself and those working with me, and I understood that sometimes we have to lower down our expectations so that we are not strangling ourselves or those who are working with me. Sad to say, I can't do it, it just makes my heart go sour to see things falling apart and not into place; so guys pardon me.

I believe some people out there have certain expectations from me as well. Which I believe is what all my facilitators and teachers are talking about, potential... I find myself not using my human relation skills to work but with my own working attitude, my ambitions and my foresights. Practically, people approach me if they think I am beneficial to them but little will stay as real buddies to me. I saw this practical reaction in my school, when I can't solve a particular thing, I become nothing to others' eyes..

Life is so unpredictable and this society is so full of conspiracy. You never know what will happen next to you and you can never ever know what people are doing behind you. The most you can do is to suspect with no concrete evidence to take actions. Thus it is important to learn how to handle those who are out to bring you down.... And I promise I will learn to be cruel when I need to... Prejudgments from others, I will learn to prove them all wrong... Pessimistic, am I? No I believe I am just being realistic and practical.

Just got some lecture from my mother as she complain that I am too silly to do things for others without giving myself any benefits. Am I really so? Maybe at times I am just to considerate to others feeling which in the end making myself lost. Perhaps I shall train up on my killer instincts like what Honsonn is talking about. Cruel and fearful at the right time, its all man by himself.

Thought of the day: Why is it that some does things so smoothly with so little unfortunate things happening to them? While some always fails or things doesn't go smoothly and yet receive prejudgments from others?

ShaoCheng-logy(line 9): Cruel to those who are cruel, Friendly to those who are Friendly.