21st March 2007, spend my day at East Coast Park with Business Climate members. A very small number of people, merely only the exco commitee was there; I am the only member anyway. Negotiation failed,(haaz) since when will it be sucessful.

I am going to cypher camp as Asst. group leader!! That was what I promise I will be when I was still a freshmen, to be a group leader though it is a grade down to be a Assistant leader; but I guess it will just be fine. Initially I was not suppose to be part of the leaders since I missed the interview. Edmund requested for me to join since they are suffering a manpower shortage. I am partially excited about the camp. For the leaders I am going to meet and for the long lost feeling of being a camp instructor. Somehow as I browse the group leader list, I spot one or two people whom I know will set up barricades on my way. Honestly speaking, I am still in the dark of what have I done wrong for them to treat me like enemy. I tried to make friends with them, I give a pat on their shoulder, I shook hands with them, I cheered with them then when I was a camper. It could be their arrogance and the way they look down others, but what I know is I will put up my professionalism up and not to avoid them. Just doubting that they will do the same and create a leadership war in the camp(which I personally hate). I want to work with a group of keen leaders and thus then I will cherish the moments not like the take it and forget it attitude I had in the past. Lets hope for the goods in the camp.

Judo competition, guess I will lose this good opportunity to shine again. A very small inter-tertiary competition, but will really give a edge on what is call sportsmanship. Sporty person like me, bound to traditional surrounding which bars me to advance. Parental disapproval is what I am facing now. Indemnity form, chinese(shen shi zhuang) is signed in all martial art competition stating that the competitor is taking part in the competition at his/her own will and will not liase their death or injury to the organiser's responsibility. Now that is the problem, my parents doesn't want me to take the risk. I am just a yellow-tip white belter; what accident can cause my death unless I didn't take care of myself? That is the nice things my parents put it up to tell me that they don't want me to risk, the sad thing is they don't trust their son to do well. I tried to explain and assured them, just to laugh at myself for being a fool once again. Ya! why must I try?? It totally makes me look like a son who can't bring glory and pride to his own family. Tired, I really had tried to make my parents feel proud of me and trust me; perhaps I have just failed under the curse of the Seah Family.

Sometimes I will realize that actually I am not at all sucessful in my leadership path after all. But I choose to believe that I can be a leader and lead my followers to heights. Perhaps I was once sucessful but later I suffer. Sometimes the consequences of falling down is being forgotten once and for all and it is always "back to square one". The journey of me climbing back to the max, gaining back the things I desire, have a bulleyes on my targetboard; will be a tough one... Shall abid to the quote: tough times will end, tough man won't...

Thought of the day: When you fall down, Just try again.... Can it be done??