ninth post

today...afraided

ok..today..whole day grounded at home.. feel so lonely..waiting fer call...waiting fer tis waiting fer tt..tis life is utterly boring.can't wait to go work tis friday..at least can stop me frm tinkin some tings tt can spoil my mood..

today i tht of O'lvl again..dun noe why tis ting can really haunt me like shit...though i feel tt i wil pass..bt there is times where a nightmare like i will fail it..really makes me afraid.. i really really need tt o'lvl...dunwan to live without it...I AM really veri afraid..

lately in the evening..went to meet her.. mood lighten... she gave me something.. a bag of cookies.. I love it.. really nice... felt so touched... she oso gave me a bag of something..something tt touched me.. well.. she haf history wif me..and i really find myself drifting back to her... dunno why either..feel so .... when she tok abt the other guy... also her nick...I am afraid to forever loss her cos i really dunno how to let other love in, afraid tt i might get hurt again and live in hatred... I am afraid and i am loss of what shd i do... :((

generally I am afraid today.. I AM REALLY VERI AFRAID just like a kid...feel like crying, with the tears of sturborn n reluctance...but tears dried up 7 yrs ago le.... i din really show my fears..bt deep in me.. I am afraid... I DUNWANNA FEEL TIS WAY ANYMORE!!!

HOPE ALL TIS IS JUST MY PARANOID......

OUT---> kiddy SHaO Cheng