September 2nd, 2008; holidays coming to an end and comes the final run...

Kind of overjoyed when I see an email in my inbox this morning. I had made it to my goal earlier this semester; get my ass back to the academical rolls of honor!!! I'll say this before some people from a prestigous school have any comments on this, this is the result of my hardwork and sacrifice; so don't you dare downgrade it.

I am very happy about my semester 1 performance; something which I've been working hard on. The following is my result =D

Manufacturing and logistics system ----> A

Financial and Banking applicatoin -----> A

I.T. Project Management -------------->A

Marketing ----------------------------->A

FYP 1---------------------------------->B+

Well, my only regret is my FYP1 which I failed to get an A. I very much know the reason behind it; so shall work forward to prevent this from happening in FYP 2.

hmm, school is going to start in 2 days time. Will be taking the following modules.

Manufacturing and logistic system 2

Finance and banking application 2

Human Resource Management

Management Information system.

Same objective, straight A's. Well MIS will be very important for me because that is what I want to major in after teritary education..

Alright, shall stop here...

August 22nd, 2008... Having problem sleeping but the extra energy to read back some old entries of this blog.

What a collection of 3 years life experience from graduation from Junyuan to now about to graduate from Republic polytechnic. Quite alot of things had happend in my dramatic life anyway. So right here infront of a SCHOOL laptop, (have to really remind myself of this because I am starting to treat this laptop as mine) I came across some issues which was in the past.

An abstract from one of my entry in 2006, "someone also passed me up this question to be attached again.. well, sorry and sad to say, i got this feeling i might be bachelor for another 2 years?". Haaz that feeling was eventually right, I am already single for about 2 years and soon 3 years by this december. Ever since the day I had decided to walk out of the romantic industry, whatever that fills my mind had no longer be girls or relationship but my career, my future and my fianancial status. Well, thanks brothers from N~Zire to have always try to spark the old feeling back in me, but I guess it's near impossible. Some might say it's because of once bitten twice shy, some might say that I am beyond hope but I'll say the time is not right yet.

Speaking of this, I had a dream last night about this girl who I had strike a deal with. Very interesting because I heard something and soon I find myself searching high and low for her. Very vividly in my mind is the name of that girl who starts with a "Min" or something.. Haha, this is not the first time, just another searching scenario in my dream. But this is quite real(crap which dream don't seems real.

Another abstract from one of my entry in 2006, the decision to get out of SA "Will be also putting my heart into business climate, hope that my priority is right and this IG will one day regain its glory." Is it right? Business Climate is still in it's same shape after 2 years I made that statement. The same feeling I had in SA is in this IG as well now, it look as if it's dying internally but yet still doing well out there. The struggle over incompetent advisors are over and we have 3 very active advisors which gave hope to this I.G. GOD BLESS THEM~

About future, about academical results... No problem, I am it's getting nearer and nearer each day. WHICH is something I am so proud and feeling the sense of fulfillment in me. I have another 6 months more to prove my worth, and I'll just do it to the max.

OK, enough of such emo moments. Time to sleep for another sweet dream.

Thought of the day: You'll see, how's life when the past is all on the back of your mind.

August 20th, 2008. About 7 days into the vacation and right here I am not using my own laptop but my school laptop. This is the first time in my RP times, I feel that the performance of my school laptop and surplus my own laptop.

Well... Does machine have feelings for his owners? Whenever the thoughts of changing computer come, my laptop will visit the service center. Haha. Crap, I very well know the reason why; it could be the cause of buying a replacement adaptor from a "not so trustworthy" vendor. LESSON LEARNED.

So, it's second week of vacation and also a start of a race. Just as I had expected, the school will never let us rest well for the vacation. Got our allocation of FYP2 last friday and was expected to start our project on Monday. Well, I am ok with this anyway because the longer I rest the less productive I am when the school starts.

We will be building Sales Force Management System this time, not our choice but considered a very challenging task. But it will benefit us alot for those who wants to major in Information System such as myself. Our contenders, they are pretty strong; one of them is my friend Lester who have stress that drives his product and one of them was my classmate; rumor spreads that he is a very good programmer. Back home, I have confidence because I have a reasonable talented team. Most importantly, our advisor is Mr Juan Sng, my ITPM facilitator; he is one of my favourite facilitator in the school. Something tells me he might be quite expecting my ablity in project management since he is the one who taught me ITPM. But I believe I am up to the challenge.

Done my planning on the FYP already, will need to consult my teammates tomorrow and get them to agree with the plan. It's the last FYP , my very last time to prove myself so that a very nice description about me will be printed on the transcript.

The last semester, I would say will be the busiest semester in my RP days, beside FYP; MELT camp is on the way, will be desiging website for BC and will be actively looking for a job after graduation. The door to the outside world, draws nearer each day.

That's all for the day, got to go rest for the meeting later... Time to push forward~

Thought of the day:
We all have our own boxes, and this boxes we carry contains our self image. And they will protect themselves by preventing us from being nice to others.

8th April 2008, 080808 what an auspicious number... Too bad I am not even the age of mariage else I will sure get married on this date =D. Anyway just a few minutes into this auspicious day.

Holiday is coming real soon, "SO FINALLY". With that low running adrenaline run, it's really tough to keep the thoughts of skipping school alway everyday. But hey! I had not skipped any lessons after FYP. My academical goals are within my reach seriously as I am pretty confident about my last few Understanding tests. But those results are still not out and there is already no more turning back, so the least I would do now is PRAY!! PLEASE no more moderation surprise for me~~

Have been really busy with some other projects such as MELT and BC website. MELT, OH OH OH GOD, it's so revived... But there are still some more unhappiness in me that this camp is being so downgraded on my hands, hmmm what to do? I have to force myself to understand the constraints in this school and also in this IG. BC website, another one step I am taking to put something interesting into my portfolio~...

Hmm.. That's all for today. I am about to review my strategy for my FYP this holidays.. So as to do better the next time...

Thought of the day:Because I hate the idea of giving up.

July 26th, 2008.. Finally I've got back my laptop.

Pretty speechless today, just some photos to share about the fishing trip last week.

My first fish

My second fish

It's so hot that our baits are literally COOKED~

19th July 2008, it's the first few minutes of a beautiful saturday. For this week, I celebrate the relief from an edgeline run.

Yeap, nothing feels more relaxing than knowing the fact that FYP 1 is officially over. Experiences gained which will help me in the next FYP and definately in my future endeavours in the industry. We had our evaluation that wednesday, honestly I had mixed feelings about it. For a moment I thought we did really bad for evaluation, but on the other side; I felt that we had done quite well actually. So anyone who will ask me "hey how's your presentation?", I would reply "er, standing between heaven and hell". It's hard to explain the experiences we had for this project and particularly the presentation in words, so I shall spare the details. Perhaps just some photos I took with my team, a team which worth my memory.

FYP team 2008040
Left to right: Kee Yong(GUI designer, Tester),
Shimah(The secretary, Business Analyst),
Shao Cheng(PM ,System Analyst),
Guo Long(Programmer , Database Designer)

Very much, the above allocation of job is just places which I think my teammates done better. In fact everyone went through all the different jobs at different phrase of the project. When in designing, everyone was very much a SA, when it comes to development; everyone become a programmer. But at different phrase, I get to see the strength of my teammates.

Just another picture~ Communication is our key to success

Sometimes when we face obstacles in coding, we look for the source for idea and stress
Our project partner(for information and skills) Mr Lester Stress=X

Haha, Lester was one of the few really hardworking people I had seen or encounter in RP. Though he might be the speculator of the stress sensation but I do respect his learning attitude and his talent in programming.

Now FYP is over and I had seriously learn alot. The experiences and knowledge gain will definately help me in the future. As for now, I understood my team's strength better and I am confident that my next FYP will be a greater experience. hmmm~ now I'll take a retreat, review my strategy in the project and improve it..

June 21st, 2008 entry; but its about June 20th, 2008. It had been a really lethargic week, FYP and studies... Republican's Year 3 isn't easy as what others thought it is. Yet something came which almost demoralized me today...

FYP... Raining days are over and things are back on track looking pink and in shape. It's really good plan + good execution and control. Right now we are at testing phrase where some other teams are still at their development. The power of design, it really speeds up our pace. In anyway, I'll not celebrate too fast until I left the evalulation room.

I guess I had become more and more unpopular among my circle lately and wonder if its because my mouth had become more lethal and consider no feelings or isit because I am already being given up by this world? I notice I've been really harsh in my words and jokes nowadays and GOSH, I'm really trying hard to curb these. But I guess I just found the source of such evil progress in me. Being slammed because where I'm from.

Just got slammed AGAIN today. "Why you in RP, SO LAN(lousy in chinese)", "Learning to be a difference to have difficulty finding job in the future?" Thanks for the comment and I shall assume you are abit too quick in your words that you didn't know you stepped on my tail. I'm really sorry that I'm so anal about being commented that way and taking it so seriously but it meant a poke to you but a piercing to me. I was so glad that I hold the trigger and prevented myself from firing the 50 calibre sniper rifle from my mouth when that "poke"came to me. Just not right to do so, killing one will anger the rest; the spartans only hold off the persians but was defeated after all. And I can't be defeated now.

I might be really lousy and useless in the past considering my academical results. But I've really really regretted to flunk my O'lvls due to my wasted time on "RELATIONSHIP", CRAP CYCLING, CRAP GAMES and so on instead of time on books. But here I am finally getting something and there you are, trying to convinced me that I'm DONE with my life because I am from RP.

Though its the school they slam but its as much as slamming me because I'm from there. Why is it exactly so piercing to me? Perhaps no one I've known had really pull,cut, stretch and push themselves for an EXCELLENT result but has no one close enough to share the happiness with? But that's ok, but how about being slammed that "But you from RP lea" after sharing the happiness. Something even more sad to hear about, once I introduced myself as a RP student to someone out of RP, the very next few scenes you would see is that person stopped talking to me there after but before everything he was joking and crapping with me.

What's so bad about RP? SERIOUSLY? Have anyone who slammed me asked themselves SERIOUSLY that. Let me tell you what are the common replies which you guys refuse to tell me or never phrase it properly because you saw the change on my face.
1. Because its new ar, not prestige enough ar..
(CRAP~ Temasek was once like this also)
2. Because its different in learning ar, no teacher really teaching so not good not good.
(Ya, have you been really there to study to comment whether its good not? Somemore, ask them why aren't they learning? ITS BECAUSE THEY CHOOSE NOT TO LEARN! )
3. I don't know lea, I heard one.
(Good, the person you heard from, is he/she from RP? if he/she what is his reasons? it got to be one of the 2 reasons above RIGHT!?)
4. Statistics shows that RP has very low employment rate for its graduates
(Tell me where you get that statistics from? www.you.com? If it's really so, you know why? Because the whole society CONVINCED that the difference is stupid. LABELLED RP as inefficient and a land for failers. SO WHO DESTROYED OUR FUTURE?)
5. No university recognize RP as a Polytechnic
(Tell me who you heard it from? someone non-republican who is convinced by the slamming? OR just some oldies who see differences as something bad?)


So is prestige really really so important to you? Because you can show off fame and achievements that are not yours to make you sound nicer? Then tell me what is considered a good school? Because you can get in that school with a paper with some 5 'A's on it?

I was once very redudant to come to RP, but I was convinced by someone not from RP to come. Mrs Quek from BB; she asked me when I complained... " why do you think RP is bad? just because its new?". At that moment I really had no idea why I thought it was bad and I felt it was unfair to judge something this way just because its new and not prestigous. Thus somehow, I gave up about appealing for TP and joined RP. And I am thankful that I made that decision.

But I wonder why god gave me this path to walk on? Couldn't I get to just walk a smoother and direct life.Perhaps he wants me to understand what is rise and fall. And how to understand that what you think is good might not be necessary to others. And how to cherish your own sucesses because not all will share that happiness with you. And lastly have a choice of my own destiny. 3 years in a school which is commonly a target board for craps, unfactual statistics and comments had really changed me alot. If god want to train my tolerance, had he had enough? I believed I had reach the maximum level of tolerance, so max that I wonder~ How much longer can I stay calm and friendly to those who came to destroy me or what I've came to love?

Guess, I'll just stay firm on what I think is right for me. FORGET WHATEVER those from pretigous schools had said....

June 13th, 2008. It's a bad friday! There is a chinese saying which says that the unawared are not affected. Pretty true, I had not even thought that its a bad friday today and fortunately and glad enough that nothing bad really happen.(Except some discomfort when i wake up, engine starting problem.)

Haaz, guess I had really been down and wondering alot for the past 2 weeks in my holidays. See, I'm just never contented with myself, always finding fault in me to change. And I wonder if I can take that as a self awareness test or what they call, NO LIFE BASTARD...

FYP and we are practically left with 15 man-days to complete(assuming Sat and SUn we slack); the most recent and devestating delay just took place which makes this a unfortunate chance to crash the timeline again. Suppose to finish cart module and make loan module by wednesday but.... Now we must start our testing this monday, prepare the test cases by wednesday and finish Unit Testing and debugging by the following Tuesday(latest) Then we'll proceed on to system integration testing and finish every thing by the following Monday. After which is a marathon to complete user guide, presentation materials and our final report( its quite an ambitious thingy to do now) The final report is not really easy, guess I'll have my teammates to start writing their final report to save time.

Just came back from N~Zire meeting and some of us shared with us their MP(major project) experiences which is also the same concept as our FYP. I heard them playing games during lab moments and so on, and their MP seems to be timeless and easily done. Whereas in RP, I see everyone so serious and racing against time to get their project done. Those who are more up to hands will be enjoying completing things as they plan while those who are stucked will show some signs of stress and begin searching high and low everyday for help. Guess RP had reached its mission to implement PBL, it had really trained all of us to be independent and professional in the things we are entitled to do. (OR isit because this is the big thing which determine your graduation?)

As for me, my FYP teammates might had started find me demanding and expecting too much from them in this project. Haaz, thats my bad I always have high expectations for myself and those around me; perhaps thats why I'm not as popular. But after so many failures, I really hate it and want to do the best in things that matters me. Since year 1, I am really determined to make my transcript the most beautiful thing.


Now I understand the concept of "selling yourself". The diploma cert is like a product you offer and your achievements and undertakings in school are like promotions . Bosses looking for the best to take the job are like consumers looking for the best promotion. Am I right?

Haaz, all these are easiler said than done but I believe I'm doing well. Nevertheless there are more about myself for me to explore and improve on.

June 6th, 2008... Somehow I am very restless today. Holiday just started and I wake up everyday with prayers that everything is going to be fine.

FYP, we just entered and almost finished the second phrase of developing. Mainly the administrator and user functions. Pretty much to do within 2 weeks. I am done with all the module except one, which is to edit and update loan details. It went on pretty smoothly for me but it had been hell to my teammates somehow. Now everyday I'll be so shocked by my teammates MSN nick which goes like "DAMN FYP" or "FUCK FYP" which makes me wonder why am I so relaxing when doing codes. Is it because I am doing something simple? Or am I just being good at it? During the whole phrase of developing my own modules, I had found alot of interesting facts and performed stunts on codes which I had obviously not tried during any of the WAD lessons. I know, my teammates are all trying hard to finish their modules and find new ways to complete it. And lets hope they continue doing so because, "GUYS, its worthwhile... "

MELT camp, something which I am seriously brainstorming for ideas to revive it. Just recently a school started to respone to our proposal, NEGATIVELY. Just as I expected, price is not right for them(AND YET I KEPT QUIET DURING THE MEETING, HOW DICK CAN YOU BE MARK!?). Now I had been asked to do a cost evaluation again, AND YES I will do it.Somehow I feel that I had lost the confidence and trust from my teammates and I am also aware of the other negative things that is happening which cause all these screw ups. I had ideas to overcome this, but it means doing the extreme which the return is a variable and BUT it might steer the fate of this project. So should I or should I not?

Haaz, Shawn just called me a workaholic.Its' a negative notation according to wikipedia but I am not denying this fact. Yes I am a workaholic at times. It's fear and the set backs I had which lead and make me this way. Alot of people feels that fears are for cowards, but Scott Burken in his book the art of project management mentioned that "The braves are the ones who feel fear but took action to it" which I personally buy his thoughts(yes, I think I'm brave enough after all the shits i've been through). Maybe because of all the brush through I had, it makes me no longer forget in arrogance that the things around me are not as what I perceive. And you know, things had changed; no longer as easy as it used to be.

Thought of the day:I have not and never will give up on people along the side of me, and lets hope they will not give up on me and things we are fighting for.

May 21st,2008 what a long time since the last entry! Well have been trying to write a diary then to type in a blog. Its just a short one month, but lots had happened.

School? I have been pushing all the way since the start of the semester for my semester target. So its like studying studying studying, doing FYP doing FYP everyday. And I just won't give up doing all these till I graduate. My results have been so far so good and I really hope I'll keep it that way through out this AY.

My FYP, finally we finished our desiging phrase, though its not really perfect in my eyes but at least we have some things there to refer us back. Right now, we are starting to develop the codes for the application, some of us favourite and desires since the start of this project. But I have to really emphasize the importance of design to my team; just to prevent the actual implementation to differ from what we propose in the designs. Its a very dilema thing here, as I try to strive 100% in the project and not compromise my teammates feeling. Just a penny of a thought, today I heard a story of a person who is so hardworking and helped his teammates so much that they got an 'A' and he got a 'B'; GOD MAN where is justice!? I had better watch my way as well.

Another project for me to revive, MELT. With the new advisors, who are extremely helpful; of all a sudden I saw hope for this project. Speaking of projects, I think I'll start to run entries in a black book to remember all the mistakes I made in projects. This way I'll improve.

Just last friday, I lost someone who is my next to kin. To be exact, he is my motherside grandfather. Right now, I am missing his presences. The scene of him cleaning the altar of gods and watering the plants will no longer be there when I visit my uncle house. Just another good man left the world; my grandfather is a well respected man, he is cool and just never lose his temper before. I didn't shed any tears during the wake nor the funeral but through out the 5 days, thoughts had been running through my mind like a busy river. My grandfather's death somehow, just make me feel that life is really precious as everyone has their limited times. Its important to live life as if you will die tomorrow, so that one day when you really leave at old age; there will be no regrets left on this world. His death also made me realised how important it is to be fillal to your parents though it is easier said than done. To me fillal is not about saying it out and celebrating every father & mother's day, its about the unexplanable care and love you gave to them. These thoughts just kept running through my mind whenever I am at the wake. Everything happened so suddenly that I can literally feel the slowing down of the hectic world I lived in, for a moment of thoughts...

Anyway, I'm 19!! My birthday just passed on monday. Can't really celebrate due to the death of my grandfather. But its perfectly fine because, I have many birthdays left in my life but sending my grandfather off to the afterlife will only happen once and only once. Ferlyn said that birthday wishes are wishes which usually come true, I hope I am not too late to make my 2 wishes
1. Complete my teritiary education with flying colors, flying A, flying merits.
2. Have many happy moments with my cliques and family.
Now the 3rd wish is normally a secret and can't really say it out; but honestly I am always blanked on the last wish.

Tomorrow, the hectic world continues and everything will resume its fast and furious speed.

thought of the day: I just want the best in my life, and I'll never rest trying to get it~

12th April 2008, I am late again for an entry about yesterday. It was a bad friday or should i say I screwed it?

Shao Hui was right, there's no point acting happy when you are not. But I have no choice because I know how much I can spoil a mood when I am really unhappy. I can say the most vicious the most hurting the most killing words in this world, but I just can't say words that are sweet and touch people. I lose my cool today; its really disastrous; its a failure to curb my unhappiness. Maybe its after all right to put all blame on myself and give in; little bro was right I am nothing just a loser. Anyway its my fault today, to make fun of a person who is already in pain. I owe a sorry to that brother i always call. But I just hate being rejected so violently even when I show no harm and I really do. Oh my fuck, Mark; Have fun do over you so much and make you forget about feelings of others?

I'm trying hard to stop making fun of people, its so uncool. No one enjoys it either and I can't find any other jokes.. Its really time to shut my mouth up for good.

Friends, we all stand on the same world. Maybe it's just me, I am out of the world. I need a break, to come back to this world? Or should I just continue listening to stories about the other world?

Anyway, I will still and still and still put a smile to disguise every unhappiness in me. Its only wise to do so.

April 7th, 2008 back to school and pulling myself back on a caltapult.

School is kind of ... today, took a cab to school and an frustrating experience at I.T. Helpdesk.

I guess the double intake of year 1s also means double the time to get to school every morning. The scenario of students + workers + NS men getting up 168 had worsen. Its the same time I set off for school as I did in the previous semester and always I will avoid this human jam; but this time round the human jam is really big. Thus, thats my morning~ Missed 2 buses. Along with some other year 3s like me, who gave themselves a silly smile " What the fuck, again??". Its first day of school and with the new policy, no one wants to get late so I was pretty left with no choice but to take a cab to school. Fortunately enough, I found 3 other year 3 students whom I know to share the ride.

Lifts broke down and a power trip~ thats what happen to my block today early in the morning. Guess the lifts and bulbs had too little excercise over the long holiday. Next on the school blues, I can't log in to my own computer using my own password. So much on the first day of school, lunch time is being sacrificed in I.T. helpdesk. Perhaps I should had consider working for my school I.T. helpdesk since I can even be asked for advices from the staffs. To solve my own problem, I gave a suggestion for the techs to help me out to solve( that was like after 1 hour of frustrating waiting, seeing them doing the same old thing over and over again without solving anything). Haiz, cool my circuits~ its a business bloom today over at I.T. helpdesk, guess they are all too busy.

Started on FYP today, met my team to get some planning on the way. Darn, everyone forgotten a very important documentation which our lovely indian advisor would like to see. THE REQUIREMENTS AND SCOPES.. But at least we were firm on the use case diagram for now. This wednesday is out as we can't have a full team to meet our advisor, so I suggested that we start on the initials and console the advisor next week. At least we won't waste this one week. Anyway, I am right I can trust this team of friends to do their work. Common goal- Graduation~

Some old friend came sighing this morning "haiz, its 8 more weeks to go~" Tomorrow, it is school again. Financial and Banking Applications, when it comes to money I'll take a little longer to digest. Yi Qi was saying, we should had chosen subjects/modules we think we can score high in. while I prefer to be good at something which give me good future. Interest and capability can be nurture so I should not study for exams only, but study for my future.

April 6th, 2008; again I am 20 minutes late to talk about yesterday. Had a very sporty week, cramps and aches are invading me...

Had visited the gym twice this week, once on monday and today. Most likely this is going to continue as I have a goal for myself and of course IPPT is around the corner. Right now as I type, I can even hardly feel my limbs. Its anyway good for me as I can prepare myself before going back to judo training, which is somewhere monstrous. Haiz, still arguing with myself for the reason to turn up for judo training.

School is like practically tomorrow and there is more reasons to sleep early and wake up early to catch a good bus to school. My school had just decided another scheme which leaves us no chance to be late or absent.

This was the announcement pop up when I sign in leo today.
It used to be deduction of 0.5 grade after 3 accumulated late arrival, but now its every single lesson. And there used to be a 15 minutes grace, thanks to some who misused it (inclusive of me during semester 2) now we have no more grace. So for RP senior years students, its 8.30a.m every day SHARP. Have to wake up early avoid the squeezing in bus~

And they also decided to be more stringent in their policy, the screen shot below is something in our student study portal. Its a tracking system of how many lessons have you been absent, present, late, partially present(which means you decided to declare end of lesson yourself) or not in the first meeting. What a way to remind us~
Unlike the previous years where the school decide what I take for core general and core discipline. This time round, I decide what I am taking for my core specialization and electives. So base on my interest and future, I made my choice. I even have plans on the modules I am going to take on the second semester.

It seems like I have lots to achieve and fulfill this year.haaz, I am a freak and geek who loves to be busy.

Ok, the tireness is killing me~

29th March 2008, just another day closer towards my final year. Getting alittle excitement about that, FINAL YEAR!!!

Anyway, I got the class allocation through some 'illegal' means. But it's all thanks to a pro hacker in our school who gain access to the school server. I mean I am not really sure whether this time round he hacked the server or the school just gave him some memo of understanding. Ok, back to topic. Just as I had expected, I have to run about block W6 through out the week.

Day 1:Manufacturing and Logistics system(W66L)
Some familiar faces like Kenneth. Ok make it a face.

Day 2: Financial and Banking Applications (W67F)
Alot of familar faces here all are my previous classmates. HAHA
Wei Tieng, Yew Wien, Shimah and Shee Ying

Day 3:Marketing(W66D)
I'm back to my previous class, W66D...
No one in this class knows me nor do I know them either. Total new faces... MORE FRIENDS!!

Day 4: IT project management(W66B)
Madi and Fion are the familiar faces.

Anyway, its really happy to know that I got all my choices for this semester. Same old goals I have every semester, nothing less than A!! haha.. Must be back to the roll of honors~

SJAB was one of my shock yesterday. Things had changed, from good to bad to WORSE~~ Politics among stubborn NCOs, ill discipline among cadets. I decided to actually listen to the stories that the NCOs have,honestly its all about politics. Jealousy and smart alecs, the core of the problem. I can't really return to help due to my tight schedule, so I'll just hope that SJAB will still be in one piece in the near future, should I decided to make a come back.

ok, got to go now...

March 28th, 2008 the sun is barely up and I'm already "up-ed". Awaken from a dream which I personally had trouble classifying, a nightmare or a comedy? Ordered 4 "roti prata", 2 eggs and 2 plain; but got roti john instead. Haaz, I woke up because of this and started to wonder what time was it. holyshit, its only 5 plus!!

The first song that rings in my ear when I woke up was this song, "Gui Ji" so thought I will search for this song in my classic song store. Found it and is happily listen to it now.

Anyway, the 3 "big" bros in N~Zire had a chatting come beer session yesterday night. It used to be 4 though, haiz... To sum up everyting, yesterday chatting session was something really remarkable; never expected everyone had so much to chat about =D We have times that we really need to cherish and remember, if not there will be nothing worth to keep the friendship.

MELT camp, for the first in my lifetime I led with agony. I can't really portray my feelings here in words. Nothing seems to be smooth. My weaknesses seems to be pouring everywhere on everyone in BC due to this camp. Its somewhere I can't really act, can't really say, can't really convince and I just wonder if its about a deteriorating me or just some problems and facts that I cowardly dare not face.

Michael shared with me what really was in his mind, I really hope thats what's he fired from his heart than his extra rounds. Its pretty true, I am not strong enough; his version was that I have no power to control my teammates in the team and they are all on my head. The downsides of being democractic was my version of why I am weak. Maybe I really care too much on how others feel when their ideas are rejected in this camp; I should had stayed firm on what I thought was right. Melt, something that had turned into nothing of my ideals and its really my fault to miss the importance of team development. Haaz, I was really fierce back then in SJAB; perhaps I should be so in BC?

"Reminising about the past", something that grown stronger in me ever since the start of this year. Looks like I am really stopping down to look around myself, haaz its seems to be an annual routine anyway. Had I really lived better in the past? With status, respect and just little bit of fame. There are really some stuffs I wished I could be more matured back then to deal with the issue,and those are people and places in my life I once valued but losed today.Haaz, I always thought that I had forgotten my past for a new life; but I'm wrong, I haven't forgot those stuffs; I had just simply put them aside. Reconstructing the "used to be seems" rather impossible now, all are beyond my reach and of course some requires serious consideration. Those high peaks in my life, really worth my time to reminising and take a good look at what I am today. Comparing myself today with what I used to be is really a "sour" thing to do.

Love, something which I had left for quite a time but yet have not much urge to pick it up again.
There is something I really hid in me and something which I am very surprised I have the hearts to put it aside. Who's the real one, had I just found and lose one? Someone who just never walk out of my mind, god damn it=/ Love is about doing some stupid and irrational things, do I really want to do those stuffs again??? I am nothing good enough for these things though thusMy conscience is clear, achievements and career before anything.

Haaz, feeling really "shiok" now as I poured out those that clot in my mind for this moment. Guess its back to sleep and get ready for the swimming later.

Thought of the day: Remember the good times.

March 26th, 2008; I just got home from another N~Zire meeting + "Man's" talk with Honsonn. Damn it~ And I just found a undesirable truth; my holiday is ending in 1 week time, when I'm enjoying my holiday the most.. ARGH~~~~~~~

Its about K-box today, after the long time promise to Derrick that, WE WILL GO one day. It took long enough before I can adjust myself back to what I'm use to be in K-box. I almost forgotten how to actually sing a particular song, since they are Chinese Songs. To make it worse, I woke up with a throat full of flams(I wonder if you spell it that way?). Only manage to sing some songs which that is up to the "use to be" standard. Songs like dao dai? Soledad? and some songs which the four heavenly kings in N~Zire used to sing. Haha, even now I can't help to sing the chinese sad songs the rock style =D Too much of Simple plan and Click five.

Everyone went different ways after a dinner at Pastamania. Shawn and Si Yang went to see their dick=X I mean their friend Dickson.Anita and Derrick went home. Nigel left us early for his work(which is my work but I decided to once again off). Thus left with Honsonn and I for a man session. We invited a "long time no see" member to join us for a chat, Sueh Li. Man, I really wish she will be back to crap with us. Anyway she didn't leave us just that she's too busy to meet us. So ya, its a chit-chat session with thousands of topics.

Talked about our appearance and Honsonn and I personally thinks that we are abit "ah-peh" haha, really sad we are just a little more rational and matured mentality only. Its also because of our attire, Honsonn dress "retro-ly" while I dress way too simple. Its always Jeans and a Tee. What to do, simplicity is my trademark. =D My extreme was to wear sport wears, someone actually says I am suitable for sportswear more than fashionwear. I look sporty and have a sport build, can't really imagine myself in skinny and some shirt with Funky, punky creature/words like "HEY FUCK ME IN THE ASS" that kind. Ya, so I think I look better with Addidas or Nike or Puma. Love to wear bermudas, a tank, slippers ,my addidas jacket over and finally a shade =D
Talking about style, I wanted to try something really daring to me. Really want to have a tattoo, but it will be a stupid idea now as I am admitting into the Army in no time. Tattoo means alot of paper administration to settle, so I'll wait for ORD... (long to go) What I wanted to try was a tribal symbol on my upper arm above the tricep and biceps. But of course I need to train for some muscles for that, it will look suck on a bone. And of course there is much to consider about, will anyone get scared by that?? I look scary enough already=D

haaz, its almost 5 in the morning and I doubt I can wake up for Judo again. haha.. Initially it was laziness and now its because there is so much social activities=D

Damn lots to do and achieve, life had suddenly feel so short and fast. I have a list of goals to complete for year 2008 and I really got to start fulfilling some~~ hmm time for some sleep.

thought of the day: I will only cherish the wonderful memories of the past and never walk the same dark road ever again.

March 22nd, 2008 just got back from N~Zire meeting. Had a rather fun basketball match, honestly this time round, I have a different feeling playing this ball game. Used to be very frustrated playing this game, because I can't dribble, shoot, pass, tackle well. But now, its not really the case as I can dribble and shoot better now thus the game is much more enjoyable now. =D

FYP allocation is out, my team are allocated to do a inventory system for our school(SIT). So basically just a online web base inventory system where user can check status of item and the administrator and issue and check the item. Considerably an easy task. So FYP means busy, I will soon be fill with planning, codings, designing and meetings. I really want to clinch an 'A' for this module like any other module I took. FYP 'A' here I come!!

Anyway, my sales had been really atrocious since February =D 5 sales 5 sales, haha I am wondering how to survive the balance in my bank. SO IT CAN'T GO ON THIS WAY~~!!! Got to do something, will be working tomorrow and clinch dealsSSS.

Thought of the day: Success is the mixture of everything I have.

20th March 2008, less than an hour late to talk about what happen on 19th March 2008. Sorry to have to repeat this kind of introduction sentence in almost all entries. What to do? The perfect feeling for blogging only comes in the night.

Its Honsonn's birthday today(19th March 2008), simple and nice. Had our dinner over at Seoul Garden and damn I had phobia on chili already, after it inflicted a terrible throat infection after the BBQ. But anyway its quite fun down there, eating and crapping. After that was movie time, watched the Semi Prom, quite funny though; initially I thought I had just wasted another 8 dollars on the movie tickets. hmmmmm, not really those tickets are complimentary. THANKS SHAWN~ haha.. go for more laser competition.

School is going to start soon, approximately another 2 to 3 weeks more. Pretty reluctant... I am excited about the fact that its final year already and it means time to put in double effort and 'chiong' all the way towards the finishing line to be a champion. Reluctant because my holiday fun just got to its peak~!

I am starting to think am I abit getting to become a feeling-less jerk? Use to sweet talk people and so on, but nowadays I am shooting off without being considerate~ hmm....

March 15th, 2008... Mark is down with the same problem again. Throat infection, which also means if the infection don't subside, my fever will not go down. Gees, wonder which god had I offended to meet with such a misfortune. It has been more than 10 years since my last throat infection. Fortunately this time round its not as 'jialat' as the previous case, about 2 months ago.

Haaz, lets forget about that I will make a speedy recovery before Honsonn's birthday this coming wednesday.

I am about 2-3 days late to talk about the Aranda Chalet N~Zire had as a replacement/compensation of the missing chalet last year December. Suppose to head back to SAF but Nigel has been lucky enough to get a 50% discount from Aranda. Honestly, I prefer Aranda now(haha), its so 'mansionate'. Its big, classical and comfortable(except the chairs I slept on). But sadly, it had been raining for the whole 3 days 2 nights in the chalet which really affect our activities. There is too much to share about this chalet, the pillowfight, trying the hottest sotong in the world, up and down beer game and so on. All I had to say is, this chalet was fun~

Everyone is down after the chalet, so I guess there is no N~Zire meeting yesterday. The very next outing is Honsonn birthday~ hmmm

March 8th, 2008. It's another friday. I mean Saturaday, just late for 2 hours. Don't have to say, you know what I am doing on this friday. Or should I say every friday? haaz, nothing much just usual routines.

Darn! I made a mistake again, a very foolish; stupid mistake. Just recently I had clinched a deal and I just subconciously forgot to take the customer contact number. Its already the second time,purely the result of stoning during work. But its because of this stupid mistake, I tasted the harsh reality of working life. It is almost near zero possiblities that someone will help you when you make mistakes, its all on our own. Just received some lecture from the Admin Manager of the company for this stupid mistake, of course I won't retaliate because its after all my fault. But I offered the possiblity that I can get the number from the customer which I think it's responsible enough for me to offer that but all I got was a very sarcastic remark ." Save the trouble la, just put down your number, anything wrong call you lo". Thanks huh! You, goh-liee goat. mEh-h-h~ (so random)

But afterall, the customer haven't call; guess that goat is already off to submit the Service agreements. Just pray hard the customer don't owe money or do anything to starhub~

Listening to some chinese songs now, its been a long time since I listen to these chinese songs. Its a change that I took 2 years ago? Year 1 semester 2, that was when. No more chinese songs, but soft English rocks or any variations of English songs. Jay Chou, Tank, Ah Du, LJJ are all history to me. Click Five, Boys like girls, Simple Plans are the present melodies and rhythms for my ears. Its a sudden taste change 2 years ago but I don't know why? But I know I am dying for a change back in my past and I know I had succeed because I had become someone who no one who known me 3 years ago will recognise me as Seah Shao Cheng Mark today. haaz, I really miss the road behind me and it makes me wonder; have I changed from good to bad? I had departed from where I am without landing on another place which it feels like flying alone among the clouds; performing stunts without any audience seeing. Or just crashed?

All that is left from my past is N~Zire, all of the rest had been thrown away and all that I have now is a new designed key with no lock to fit, it can't fit the past and it can't fit the present. But I'll stick to my theory, everlasting friendship is about putting the effort to maintain. So its about me to remember the common past and ignore the different present. Though my stories will never be understandable anymore but its ok, I'll listen and understand the stories being told.

haaz, looks like its always friday that I am specially emo. But its always short coming and smile will be back tomorrow, as always and hope it does. Thats all I have to share about my thoughts today.

Melodies from chinese songs died in my ear, its time to go back to English soft rock!~

Thought of the day: Future lies unknown to everyone, just where and who will I be?